I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
