she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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