"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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