Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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