You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
