Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
