so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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