he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
