We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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