ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
