Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
