I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
