Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
