I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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