I hate your face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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