Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
