smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
