Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
