Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
