I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
