My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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