So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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