I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
