Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
