I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
