??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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