I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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