Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
