just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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