so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
