yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
