is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
