what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
