look no pants
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
