you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
