Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
