Banned from zoo.
Again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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