Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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