She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
