i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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