he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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