mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
