Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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