When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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