All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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