I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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