you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
