I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
