Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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