I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
