He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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