Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
