I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
