I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
