Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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